Stages of Grief: Post-Visa Refusal, Part 3


Ahhh, Acceptance – the last stage, the one that seems impossible reach, but trust me, it’s something that you eventually get to.

You don’t know when it exactly happens, but maybe it starts when all the motivational quotes you had so desperately searched for become your life mantras (not just temporarily, you hope), and “The Climb” by Miley Cyrus, which you’ve never really liked, becomes one of the most profoundly truthful songs you’ve ever heard. “Mao jud, Miley, you’re so right!” you exclaim as she goes on to sing about how sometimes, we’re gonna have to lose.

You start thinking that you must be on the right track when all the social media posts that used to cause you so much agony don’t affect you anymore, because you realize that, of course, people only post the good stuff. Everybody’s going through something – some situations may seem worse than yours, while others may not even be classified as “misfortune” in your book, but you remind yourself that everything is relative.

We create the image we want others to see, and go through so much to impress those that we don’t even have substantial relationships with, and you laugh at all of that, somehow feeling better.

You appreciate the clichés you once rolled your eyes at – “Life is not a race”, “Your only competition is yourself”, and all those other quotes that belong on posters with photographs of nature on the background. They wouldn’t be so overused if they didn’t hold so much truth.

You find so much solace in prayer, and it makes you happy when you pray not to ask for a favor, but to thank your chosen god for all the blessings that you still have.

Your family and friends are even MORE amazing, which was something you didn’t think was possible. They make you see how stupid you were for feeling embarrassed when you told them your unfortunate news, thinking that they might be disappointed, or angry, or regretful of all the support they’ve given you Instead, they show you that they’re on your side, and will always be there, and you’ll always be thankful for that.

The most definitive sign you know you’re over everything when you used to wake up in the morning with a heavy heart, but what once was weighty is now light and hopeful, because you may have felt helpless for a while, but there was always that little ray of hope… and it’s gotten bigger and bigger throughout the whole process of grief, and now it’s completely illuminating you.

*When I was told that I could reapply for the same Visa, I had initially wanted not to push through, completely forgetting the words our high school CLF teacher made us repeat over and over again before we graduated – “Never make a decision when you’re high with joy or down with sadness”. After taking a few days to think it over (kay di sad raba lalim di ma hatagan ug Visa after sa tanang efforts in life), I decided to apply again, because you don’t give up on your dreams so easily, do you? Unya kung sa atoa pa, na basa na man jud ko, so gi langoy na lang nako lahos. Pahk! I reapplied for the same Visa, and I’m glad I did, because otherwise, I would probably spend the rest of my life wondering what would’ve happened if I had not quit… and what do you know, my Visa application was approved 🙂


4 thoughts on “Stages of Grief: Post-Visa Refusal, Part 3

  1. angperegrino says:

    happy for you, dong. 🙂 and your high school CLF teacher will be so proud to know you remembered that immortal Ignatian advice. Bisan sa US naka ha, ayaw japon kalimti: “Never make a decision when you’re high with joy or down with sadness.”

    Go and set the world on fire!

    • paoloberdin says:

      Hi Bro! Grabe you have no idea how nice it is to hear from you. Thank you kaayo! Hearing from people who I met during the best years of my life aka high school always makes me happy 🙂 Di jud kalimtan, kay gipa balik balik jud raba ug sulti ni Fr. Arnel hahag good to know that I learned something useful! 😉

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